20 Things to Unlearn

Learning is easy. We’ve been learning since day one; learning to eat right, walk right, and later to read, write, and think right. Unlearning is hard. Unlearning forces you to see the sides of life that you haven’t seen before; the ones that, perhaps, you haven’t wanted to see at all. Unlearning challenges your beliefs, forces you to let go of your ego and biases, and truly see the world.

“The illiterate of the future are not those who can’t read or write but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn.”  

~ Alvin Toffler

Remember: negative mindsets no longer suit you. You’re in the process of becoming someone you love, trust, and admire. The old rules no longer apply. 

1. “NO” IS UNACCEPTABLE WITHOUT A GOOD EXPLANATION 

Learning to say no without offering an explanation (and accepting it without demanding one) is an especially liberating sensation. “No” is a complete sentence, and as uncomfortable as may be to use it as such in the beginning, it is a fundamental necessity for establishing boundaries. 

2. DISCOMFORT SHOULD BE AVOIDED AT ALL COSTS 

It can be argued that the two emotions we humans hate the most are discomfort and embarrassment; however, neither one is an inherently negative emotion. If you often avoid confrontation, embarrassing situations, or various otherwise unpleasantries simply to evade feelings of uneasiness, it’s time to set that mindset aside. If you’re comfortable, you’re not growing. 

“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” 

~ Neale Donald Walsch 

3. BEING ALONE IS LONELY 

This one goes hand-in-hand with the above; being alone and doing things by yourself is often uncomfortable, but doing so will help you grow as a person. Get to know yourself. Find the undeniable truths that define who you are. Being alone is less about being lonely, and more about becoming comfortable in your own company.

4. WHEN IT COMES TO POLITICS, YOU MUST CHOOSE A SIDE 

It’s irresponsible and dangerous to regard any politician as a celebrity. It is imperative to weigh any political opinions against your own morals and beliefs, and decide where you stand based on your personal values and cold, hard facts. Choosing a side and refusing to diverge from it is a negative mindset of the past: check your blind spots and get the whole story. The only way to truly change the world is to differ from it, and the only way to do that is to keep an open mind. 

5. VULNERABILITY IS A WEAKNESS 

The word vulnerable has long held an attached negative stigma that would be better left in the past. Even the definition of vulnerability as seen in the Oxford dictionary makes it out to be quite a harrowing feeling; however, just as discomfort and embarrassment are not inherently negative emotions, vulnerability is not an inherently negative trait. Instead, people who open themselves up to be vulnerable often find new life outside of their comfort zone, new friends in unlikely places, and new comfort in the uncomfortable. 

6. LOVE IS ALL THINGS BEAUTIFUL 

Love is truly one of the most magnificent emotions that any being is capable of feeling, but that’s not all of it. Love is difficult choices, complicated compromises, endless sacrifices, and letting go. It may not always be the happily ever after we dreamed of finding one day and that’s alright: it’s not supposed to be. Love is a rollercoaster of emotion; it’s the good and bad, the up and down, the happy and sad. It’s the quintessential state of being – the final piece to a complicated map that is the human scale of emotion. Love is beautiful, alluring, magnificent even, but it may not all be beautiful, and that’s perfectly okay. 

7. YOUR LIFE IS AVERAGE 

Mediocrity is a choice. Contrary to popular belief, you don’t need talent to become great. Those with talent simply have a head-start, and it’s up to you to catch up – to pass them, if you will. Identify what you want to change and change it, even if it takes a lifetime. The path to an exceptional life is not easy. That’s why it’s not average.

8. FITTING IN MEANS YOU BELONG 

Everyone who belongs fits in, but not everyone who fits in belongs. Gone are they days when we currate ourselves, our personalities, and our beliefs to align with a particular group we admire. Self-love means accepting yourself as you are, in all your imperfect, alluring, chaotic glory. Once you start to accept yourself, others will soon follow suit and you’ll find that not only do you fit in, but you truly belong. 

9. PERFECT IS ALWAYS BETTER THAN GOOD 

On the contrary, perfect will only make you crazy. Perfectionism has erupted everywhere nowadays, causing procrastination-related mayhem on every front. Social media platforms contribute to the idea that if you’re going to do something, it has to be perfect – it must be carefully curated and “pinterest worthy,” when, in all reality, it’s more important to just get the job done. Many times, good is better than perfect in the mere fact that good is complete and perfect is still in progress. 

10. WHAT PEOPLE THINK OF YOU IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY 

The only thing you have control over in life is yourself; your thoughts, your choices, your reactions. If you spend all your time trying to make people see you the way you want to be seen, you’ll run in circles your entire life not accomplishing anything more than driving away your own sanity. Think of what you could do if it absolutely didn’t matter what a single person thought of you. Now never go back. 

11. THE WORLD IS AGAINST ME 

The world isn’t against you. You are against you. You may be sabotaging goals, dreams, and day-to-day lifestyle without even realizing it in order to avoid the feelings of shame that may arise if you don’t reach a certain goal or achieve your dream. Procrastination is self-sabotage. Justification is self-sabotage. Not getting out of bed an hour early to exercise like you’ve been wanting to do for the past week is self-sabotage. Reach for your goals and follow your dreams no matter how terrifying they might seem. Feel the fear, the self-doubt, the twinge of possible future shame and do it anyway. You’ve got this.

12. YOU MUST STAY HAPPY 

Happiness is a journey, not a destination. It’s not something you can catch, or something you can earn by putting in a good day’s work. It will come and go just as any other emotion, ebbing and flowing as the events of your life tangle and untangle around you. Stop chasing it, allow it to come and go. Find peace in what you feel now, and continue from there. 

13. BUSYNESS IS THE EPITOME OF SUCCESS 

If you’ve ever felt guilty for taking a nap, scrolling through social media, binging on Netflix, or just doing nothing at all, you’re not alone. People relentlessly brag to each other about how busy they are. Instead, why not boast how busy we aren’t; tell family and friends about the time you’ve set aside to meditate or do yoga, about the time you’ve set aside to listen to music without doing anything else, about the time you’ve set aside to do the things that matter to you. Work smarter, not harder. 

14. THERE IS A SET TIMELINE TO LIFE 

It’s never too late or too early to change your life, especially in your twenties. For some reason, we’ve all got it in our heads that if we’ve not graduated, gotten married, had kids, or passed any similar grand milestones by 25 or – heaven forbid – 30, we’ve failed. An older generation has it in their heads that 40 is too late to go back to school. 50 is too late to get married. 60 is too late to see the world. In reality, most of us will probably live well into our eighties, nineties, hundreds even! That’s a whole lot of years in the scheme of things. It’s never too late, nor too early, to start changing your life; not if you start today. You have time. 

15. LETTING GO MEANS GIVING UP 

Some things in life are meant to be let go of, sometimes they just can’t stay if you’re to live a happy, fulfilling life. Letting go doesn’t mean you’re giving up. Quite the opposite, in fact; you’re allowing yourself the opportunity to work harder in other places of your life. Letting go means moving on. Letting go means growth. 

16. IF I DON’T SUCCEED, I FAIL

There is a certain amount of failure that is required with every success; failure doesn’t just happen to those unlucky enough to come across it, it is required to accompany any success. If you were to never fail, you would never learn a better way to do things. You would never experience how incredible true success feels. 

“You only fail if you quit.” 

~ Sam Laura Brown, The Perfectionism Project 

17. THE MAIN GOAL OF LIFE IS TO SUCCEED 

The goal of life is to enjoy it, because you only get to do it all once. If all you end up with in the end is a plate of homemade cookies and a head full of stories, you’ve done something right. You get to write your own definition of success – create one that keeps you happy, fulfilled, and for heaven’s sake, sane. The main goal of life is to live. 

18. THERE WILL ALWAYS BE A SECOND CHANCE 

Unfortunately, there may not be. That doesn’t mean that if you don’t succeed at something you shouldn’t try again, but it does mean that you shouldn’t live a half-assed life while counting on the chances that might come around later. If you’re going to go for something, go all in. Give it your best shot. A mistake is always better than the lifelong question “what if?” 

19. DECISIONS MUST BE MADE RATIONALLY AND WITH A GREAT DEAL OF THOUGHT 

Rational thinking is a newer way of thought and sometimes more prone to mistakes than deeper “animal” instincts. You’re young, you have time to make mistakes. Take the risk and see where you land. Give yourself the chance to make the biggest mistake you’ve ever made and then pick yourself up and admire the strength and wisdom you’ve gained from all of it. This gigantic, stinking mess of life is much too short to live in a constant state of worry. Don’t overthink it, take the chance. 

20. BE YOURSELF, BUT NOT LIKE THAT

Over and over and over again, we’re all told to be ourselves. And over and over again, we’re conditioned to think that we’re not just good enough. That we need the newest gadgets, the highest levels of education, a spouse and children at a certain age. Society will always have an opinion about who you really are and who you should be, but that opinion only matters if you let it. 

Don’t let it. Be unapologetically you.